


save all your sashes

by peachsneakers



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, Loroceit, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25888309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: Roman self-harms. His boyfriends find out about it. It goes surprisingly well.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 17
Kudos: 173





	save all your sashes

**Author's Note:**

> for the prompt: "Could I ask if you could please write a Roman self-harm fic? With him being numb to his bad habit but has a panic attack when Janus and/or Logan find out?"

Roman paces up and down, digging furrows in the fluffy white carpet beneath his boots. His mouth trembles in a frown, his sash winding painfully tight around his fingers. It's a familiar song and dance, one that he scarcely has to pay attention to, as he yanks up his pants leg and winds his sash around his leg, too tight and too rough, pulling it over and over across his skin. Detached, he watches the pallid white skin redden, watches his sash rub away layers of skin until it's raw and red and finally- _finally_ \- it hurts, enough that he can set the soft red fabric aside. _This is what you deserve,_ he reminds himself, almost clinical.

"Roman?"

Roman's head jerks up, panic alive and flaring in his throat, as he sees the open door- _how did he not hear the door open?_ \- and Janus and Logan framed within its confines, concern and confusion warring on their faces.

"It's not what you think-" he says, or tries to say, but his throat feels like it's closed up to the size of a pinhole, and it's like he's drowning on dry land, his lungs bursting. The damning red sash still trembles in his grip and he flings it away from himself with an abortive cry as the tidal wave of his panic washes over his head and drags him down.

Beside him, he can barely hear the sound of running feet, can barely feel Janus's gloved hands on his wrists or hear Logan's soft voice in his ear, muttering instructions on how to breathe.

"Breathe in for four," Logan says, right in his ear, and Roman tries to obey, he really does, but the thought of breathing properly is as far away as the flung sash. He can't think, can't move, can't _breathe_ -

Icy cold fingers close around his wrist, jolting him closer to reality, and he opens tear-blurred eyes to see Janus right there, hat discarded to one side, mismatched eyes bright with concern, so much so, his heart feels like it's leaped into his throat.

"Breathe, love," Janus softly encourages. Now- _now_ Roman can follow along, his eyes glued on the softly glimmering scales that dotted one side of Janus's face, all of his attention straining to listen to Logan's soothing murmur.

"There," Logan says in quiet satisfaction, once Roman has sat up (when did he fall down?) and he can focus properly. "Roman?"

"Yes?" Roman asks, his voice tear-clogged. The friction burn on his leg feels like it's got a spotlight honed in on it. It wouldn't be so terrible, he thinks, if not for the residue of a dozen other such marks, still roughening his skin.

"Are you all right?"

For a second, he thinks of lying, then meets Janus's gaze and quickly discards it. All the numbness that usually descends on him when he's engaged in his...habit has long since fled, leaving behind only the dregs of panic and tearful exhaustion.

"No," he admits. "You- You weren't supposed to find out-" he confesses, his head bowed.

"I'm glad that we did," Janus says quietly. "How long have you been hurting yourself, love?"

"I don't know," Roman says. He can sense doubt, and it prickles uncomfortably. "I don't!" He insists, then falters, staring at his lap. "It's- it's been a while."

"I'm sorry that we didn't notice you were hurting so badly," Janus breathes. Logan echoes him, murmuring something soft and soothing, a balm to Roman's aching ears.

"You weren't supposed to," he says, with a choked-off laugh. "I- I'm sorry."

"What for?" Logan asks, sounding genuinely confused.

"For- for being a mess," Roman says. "For everything-"

"You never need to apologize for this," Janus says, soft but insistent. The warmth in his voice makes new tears well up. One set of still-gloved hands slip out, brushing back Roman's hair with gentle fingers and straightening his shirt.

"Do you need medical attention?" Logan asks. Roman shakes his head, worn out. He looks down, then carefully peels his pants leg back down, covering the friction burn.

"I'll be fine," he assures Logan. "It- it's not that bad."

"What would you like?" Janus asks. "Cuddles and a movie, just cuddles, or something else? How can we best help you?"

"Distraction," Roman says at once. He carefully does not look in the direction of his spare sash. "Please. I- I'll talk about it, just not yet. I can't."

"Cuddles and a movie it is," Janus says. "Which movie would you like?"

"You choose," Roman says, as Logan and Janus carefully lever him to his feet and move him to the bed. He sinks into its pillowy confines with a soft breath of relief.

" _The Jungle Book_?" Janus suggests. A faint ghost of a smile crosses Roman's face.

"Sure," he says. Janus curls around him as Logan retrieves the movie. "Thank you."

"Of course, love," Janus says, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"You- you didn't freak out or- or hate me," Roman persists. "Thank you."

"Freaking out would not have helped the situation," Logan points out, returning with the remote and cuddling against Roman's other side. "And hating you seems rather counterproductive when I love you." Red brushes Roman's cheekbones.

"We both love you," Janus assures him. "It will be all right, my sweet prince."

"Do you promise?" Roman asks, in barely a whisper. Janus's eyes soften.

"I promise," he says.


End file.
